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Care home conundrums - when your loved one doesn't want to go

For most of us we will eventually reach a stage in our life when we can no longer adequately care for ourselves, yet are not yet ready to slip into eternal slumber. For most families the expectation is that sooner or later they will need to find a care home for their elderly relative, and yet as a study by not-for-profit organisation The Live-in Care Hub revealed most of us (97%) do not want to go into a care home at all.

 

It’s not surprising then, that many families find their elderly relatives reluctant – or even downright hostile – to the idea of moving out of their home and into a residential facility. For some they may see it as “being packed off to die” or “you’ll never visit me in that place”. Others may simply prefer the peace and quiet of their own routines to having to eat at preset mealtimes and sleep at preset bedtimes.

 

Discuss the issue

Involving the elderly person in care decisions is essential to finding a solution that they are happy with – after all they are the one who is going to be at the receiving end of whatever care option you choose. Try to narrow down their objections to specifics as these can be addressed more easily individually. For example, are they worried you’ll never visit or sad that their cats can’t come with them?

 

Are they ready?

Accepting that you can no longer look after yourself can be a huge blow to ones self-esteem and can be a major issue with providing care for an elderly person. Moving into a care home is an “all-or-nothing” step and can seem like a very big one to take. Whilst moving into a care home early may make the transition smoother, it can also lead to depression, loss of motivation and a sudden worsening of their health.

 

What if there was another way?

Your loved one may be fine to get themselves dressed in the morning, but finds getting out of bed difficult, which is why they never answer the door first thing any more. Or maybe they’re getting a little forgetful which is why the milk is always sour. Perhaps all they need is a little bit of extra help rather than a new lifestyle?

 

There’s a huge range of home care services available, from simply employing a cleaner or gardener to keep on top of the odd-jobs, through daily care visits, to a live-in carer who can take over running the household as well as providing personal care and companionship to your relative.

 

Assessing your relative’s care needs, through watching them day-to-day andby talking to them about where they struggle, allows you to suggest the most appropriate option. Whilst you may still reach the conclusion that a care home is the best way forward, a live-in carer may turn out to be a similarly priced but more flexible and hence more acceptable alternative.

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For most of us we will eventually reach a stage in our life when we can no longer adequately care for ourselves, yet are not yet ready to slip into eternal slumber. For most families the expectation is that sooner or later they will need to find a care home for their elderly relative, and yet as a study by the Live-in Care Hub revealed most of us (97%) do not want to go into a care home at all.

It’s not surprising then, that many families find their elderly relatives reluctant – or even downright hostile – to the idea of moving out of their home and into a residential facility. For some they may see it as “being packed off to die” or “you’ll never visit me in that place”. Others may simply prefer the peace and quiet of their own routines to having to eat at preset mealtimes and sleep at preset bedtimes.